There is No Reason for the Season

It is Christmas time! We are shopping, spending, decorating, party planning, baking, cooking, crafting and stressing. We check our lists and we check them twice. We make sure our children will all have the latest gadgets and way more than they need. We wrap them all up and we place them under a tree. We tell them lies about a man in a red suit just to add even more chaos and false excitement, and all of this for one day of complete gluttony and self-indulgence. And then somewhere hidden among all the chaos someone with good intentions puts a billboard out that says “remember the reason for the season”. So we say oh yeah and we put up a nativity scene and we tell our children that it is Jesus’s birthday.  And we tell them that we do all this craziness for Jesus and that we give gifts because the wise men gave Jesus gifts and Jesus is our gift from God and so therefore our gluttonous overspending somehow makes since. We even come up with far-fetched symbolism for how an evergreen tree and a candy cane mean something about Jesus.  We punch people in the face for a Barbie doll. We attend awkward family gatherings in our brand new outfits and put on fake smiles then remember why we only get together for the Holidays. And after all of this we can’t even see straight to know there is another way. Do you know that there is no reason for this season?  There is absolutely no reason for this season! Even if we trace back the history, Christmas originated from a bunch of non-biblical festivals, the winter solstice, worshiping the sun god, St Nicholas’s day, and tree worship.  Then some argue that Jesus was born around this time, which by the way is a pointless argument because even if we knew the exact date of His birth He has never commanded us to celebrate such a thing. How easy would it have been for Him to tell us the date of his birth and command us to celebrate it? He could have put it right there with all the other commandments we so diligently break, so then we wouldn't need a reason for the season because no one would celebrate it anyway. If you really want to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ then think of his birth everyday as you sin and humble yourself and then find that peace and joy you were looking for from social gatherings, ham, and pecan pie and know that true peace, joy, and hope comes from God who sent his Son to be born in this miserable flesh, take on all of our sin, and die the death we deserve. I like how John puts it “and the word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth”(1:14) John didn't waste time on the birth story and all the details he  just went straight to the life of Jesus. But if you must focus on the birth of Jesus then let’s go to Matthew or Luke, I do love a good birth story! So picture this, nine months pregnant riding on a donkey headed to the next town to pay your taxes. You begin to have contractions so you and your husband search every inn just to find a place to deliver your baby and rest. But guess what the town is busy full of people, no vacancy. But you’re in luck the barn is empty and nobody else wants to sleep in a barn so it is all yours. You deliver a baby boy, just you and your husband, no monitors, no pain medicine, no special equipment.  You hold your baby skin to skin, and while he is breastfeeding you stare at him and know he is one special boy.  Now he is sleeping peacefully. To keep him warm you wrap him in some extra cloth you have. Nothing fancy, no Velcro tabs to keep it swaddled, no cute little boy colors, just the same old cloth you would use to wrap the dead in preparation for burial. Now you need a safe place to lay him so you can get some rest. Wait where is the bassinet with all the ruffles and soft mattress? You see a wooden box used to feed the animals and you place some hay in the bottom and lay your baby there.  You catch a little nap until you have some visitors. No it’s not all the people enjoying their comfortable beds in the inn or the inn keeper or the wise men. The shepherds came running from their fields to tell you what the angels have just told them about your baby, a savior which is Christ the Lord. You think back to when the angel appeared to you and you hold these thoughts in your heart because you know this child is not yours but is Gods and one day you will watch him die so you can be saved. Many years later we will all go crazy buying things we don’t need, buying things for other people that they don’t need and plan elaborate dinners with more food then we should eat in a day and we will do all this to celebrate the day our Lord and Savior came humbly into this world to save us from our own miserable selves. How absurd, I no longer see it the same. I can no longer go along with this foolishness and I will not pass this tradition on to my children. So call me a Grinch and laugh at my stubbornness but I searched for a reason for the season and all I found was self-indulgence, ungratefulness, materialism, greed, entitlement, idolatry, and borderline tree worship. Go ahead have your gatherings, buy your gifts, decorate your houses, but if you are trying to keep Christ in Christmas let him out, he never asked to be there anyway.  

Okay now that I got that out please if it sounds like I am yelling at you. I am not. I am mad at myself. I am mad that I ever got caught up in such a tradition and then began to pass it on to my children. I write this for those of you also feeling this way and think you are alone. You are not. A tradition is a habit and habits are hard to break but the easiest way is cold turkey. So this December me and mine will be going cold turkey and on December 25^th and every day after we will always think of the birth of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ because through his birth there was made a way for his death and through his death our sins were covered and with our sins covered we have eternal life which lends to hope and joy and peace. Now that’s something to celebrate! But let’s not get carried away, Okay?

Precious Memory

I read the biblical stories of women who when the time was right they knelt down and gave birth to their babies and the midwives who attended births feared God.  I wanted to just listen to my body and feel the pain that God intended. Spiritually, mentally and physically be completely in the moment. Stand in awe of the way God had made a women’s body, not only to grow a child, but also to bring it into this world.   Be surrounded by people who truly knew me and wanted to be with me.  So I started planning the best I could.  I planned where the birth was going to be, who was going to be there, what I wanted to wear, what music would be playing, what food and beverages I wanted, photos that I wanted taken, and laboring positions to try.

But then, I felt guilty for making these plans. Shouldn't I just be happy with a baby and not care about the details? I mean, really, the end result is the same no matter what; a baby in my arms. Who cares about the details and the planning! And what if it doesn't happen the way I have planned? It will all be for nothing.

 But then again I planned my wedding down to the smallest details and took the chance that it might rain. In the end I would be married anyway. I planned my son’s birthday party and took the chance he might come down with the flu.  In the end he would still be a year older. So why do the details matter? Why do I do all this planning?  When I look back on my life what memories stand out? My wedding day and the birth of my children certainly make the list! So the planning, worrying, and thinking I would jinx myself continued. Despite it all God still granted me with, what is now, a precious memory.

 So walk with me down memory lane… ten days past my due date, trying to sleep, light steady contractions, real or not?, light headed and nauseous, call midwife who says” rest and shower, call back when stronger”, call mom and friend, maybe in labor, can’t rest, shower, sick of counting and timing contractions, just want to try to ignore them, can’t tell if really in labor, annoyed, call midwife, she’ll be there shortly, am I really in labor, maybe I called everyone to soon, decide to wake up husband before the midwife gets there, breathe through contractions,  prepare the bed for labor, mom shows up, kids wake up, I listen to music and dance in living room, mom says wow I can’t believe the kids just ate 40 doughnut holes,  pretend I did NOT just hear that, crank up one of my favorite songs,” You are not a god created by human hands you are not a god dependent on any mortal man you are not a god in need of anything we can give by your plan, that’s just the way it is you are god alone from before time began you were on your throne you are god alone and right now in the good times and bad you are on your throne you are god alone…unchangeable,  unshakable, unstoppable that’s what you are” ,(lyrics from You are God Alone by Philips, Craig, & Dean), play song again, dance with husband, greet midwife as she arrives,  hug toddler as she runs by, watch midwife set up her things, put foot up on couch, lean and sway with next contraction, 'Sweet Jesus' starts playing, midwife stops setting up to come and sway with me through the whole song,” Sweet Jesus my Savior you are my faithful friend you made me, you know me and you see my every sin and my soul is amazed by this gift of your grace and these arms that take me in.” ( lyrics from Sweet Jesus), pray, smile at mom, midwife assistant arrives, enjoy listening to my kids playing in the next room, midwife checks for dilation, dilated to 10, laugh and say you got to be kidding, midwife says she wouldn't kid about that, smile at husband and ask is this for real, wait through contraction, decide I should get more serious and start thinking about pushing, sister- friend- and niece arrive,  listen to them talk and take pictures, try to get comfortable, rock on all fours, baby coming, mom puts my hair up,  pushing, just breathe, music too loud, turn music down, just want baby out, baby out, it’s a boy, where’s my baby, Husband passes him up and into my arms, skin to skin, lots of smiles, lay on couch, kids come rush to see, look what God made, cut cord, deliver placenta, assistant shows kids the  placenta, breastfeed, enjoy being surrounded by people whom I love and love me, herbal bath, marvel with husband how god gave us another precious child, cup runneth over, try to rest, adrenaline to high, listen to everyone tell their version of my memory, learn that sister is now called pad lady for assistance with pads, admire pictures my friend took,  enjoy husband story on how when the head was born the baby looked at him and how he unwrapped the cord from around the shoulder and then caught  his baby boy, bask in the glow and pride that my husband has at that moment, mom excited, she shares in my joy once again, baby weighed in sling, notice midwife assistance shirt is inside out and backwards, she knew and didn't care was just in a hurry to get to my birth, realize I was completely surrounded by people who truly wanted to be there and share in my memory, turkey dinner, birthday cake, soak up every moment so they will be etched in my memory forever.

God gave us a precious baby and brought him into this world in such a peaceful and amazing way that was beyond what I could have ever planned! For this I am so undeserving but extremely grateful. I cannot credit this memory to being home, or to a midwife, or to my planning, but to our amazing God.  And I am forever thankful to God for this precious memory.

“..She kneeled down and gave birth, for her pains came upon her” (1 Samuel 4:19)

Eating Bon Bons

       Stay at home moms just sit around eating bon bons all day. So they say! I don’t know how true that statement is but let me tell you what I’ve been up to. So it all started one warm October day, my son expressed that his heart’s desire was to be a Lego man for Halloween and not just any Lego man but a master builder Lego man. So what is a mom to do, explain to her child she does not have time to make a MBA Lego man costume, admit she would rather eat bon bons all day, or rise to the occasion? Yep! That is right I couldn’t resist. How could I let my oldest child, my little Lego man not live out his dream? So there I was sweating in the sun measuring every centimeter of a Lego man, converting that into inches, cutting out cardboard pieces to match, and wondering “why am I doing this?”. Well let me tell you because after countless hours of crafting cardboard, duct tape, foam wreaths, contact cement, oatmeal boxes, toilet paper rolls, poster board, popsicle sticks, and paint into a scaled replica of the Lego MBA man, it was worth it. Not only did my son love it and could not stop looking at himself in the mirror but with tears in his eyes he said I was the best mom in the world repeatedly. Did you hear me repeatedly, not just some casual yeah you’re the best. No, repeatedly, wholeheartedly, sincerely the” best mom”! Judge my mothering all you want, say the good, say the bad, and give your trophies to another. I don’t care. Did you hear what my son said?

      Anyway, Halloween day came and it was pouring rain and my son had a dilemma. Wear his Lego man costume with pride and joy for one great day and come home with it destroyed from the rain or resort to being Darth Vader for the second year. After countless hours of crafting all month for one Halloween day there I was with an umbrella trick or treating with Darth Vader. So was it worth it? Absolutely! I didn’t do it for Halloween. I didn’t do it so I could write this blog. I did it for my son. I did it for the smile on his face, the tears in his eyes, and the file in his memory bank. And besides we still ended up with a bowl full of Halloween candy.

      A picture is worth a thousand words so close your eyes and visualize this for me. A sick eighteen month old on my hip wet wash cloth on her forehead thermometer under her arm being held by the same hand that is holding her on my hip, one foot standing on a towel mopping up a water spill, a three year old pulling at my other  leg crying because her sister won’t share a toy, a thirty week old fetus in my womb,  the phone squeezed between my ear and shoulder talking to any adult that will listen, my free hand is browning ground beef for dinner, and somewhere in between two fingers is a snickers bar I stole from my kids Halloween bucket and I am enjoying ever little bite. And I’ll probably even have another one! No I don’t feel guilty and yes it is worth it, because what you didn’t see was the smile on my face and the invisible crown on my head that says ‘best mom in the world’.

      It’s funny but I searched through the entire Halloween bucket and I couldn’t find one bon bon. I think I need to bring my beginning statement up to date. Stay at home moms eat their kid’s Halloween candy all day. Not only is being a mom the best job in the world but my son said I’m the best mom in the world and I am holding on to his  words as long as I can. So while you sit there denying that you eat your kid’s Halloween candy , please excuse me, I need to go dust off my invisible crown!

Don't you know what causes that?

I just wanted to let you know, I’m pregnant! Yeah, congratulations, I’m so happy for you! Is that what you just said? Oh sorry let me finish, I’m pregnant with my 6^th baby! Oh. Again? How many are you going to have? Don’t you know what causes that? Where does your husband work? He does work doesn’t he? Why would anyone want that many children? What do you already have? One boy and four girls!! What if this one is a girl? Five girls, wait till they are teenagers! Ha, ha, ha, is that what you were thinking?  Don’t worry I get it all the time.

 I hesitate to tell people I’m pregnant because I know what they are thinking, but it is so hard to contain my excitement. I know the value of my womb, I know the blessing of the life that is being formed inside of me, and I am honored to carry that life. With my history of miscarriage, I don’t even know if I will ever see the face of this life, but for now I am honored to have whatever joy, anticipation, and happiness this life brings me in the meantime.

 I am saddened by what is going on in our world, when it comes to the womb. We argue whether life in the womb is life or not life. We argue choice or child. We argue legal or illegal, what has this world come to when we start killing our own offspring?  We should not be arguing about whether abortion is okay or not, we should be arguing about the fact that this is even an argument.

Throughout the book of genesis men married, had children, those children married, had children, and so on. These family trees are so important. A fruitful womb for a woman was a blessing to her husband and a barren woman would cry out to God to open her womb so she would not be a shame to her husband. Children were considered a blessing and the womb was very valuable. These women knew the value of their wombs. Pharaoh tried killing all the Hebrew boys that were born but the midwives feared God and they would not do it.  Maybe if the abortion doctors feared God they would not listen to the law of the land either?

 But you know what, it wouldn’t even matter. Take away Planned Parenthood, doctors willing to do abortions, and abortion clinics. You are still left with women that don’t want their babies. Now that is the root of the issue. I’m telling you, we are focusing on the wrong things. The women of this world are crying out. How come no one has taught them the value of their womb? We are a product of multiple generations where priorities have been placed on careers and materialism. We say to our children, "Going to college is more important than having a family. Establishing your career is more important than having a family.  Being financially stable and buying all the things you desire is more important than starting a family. Wait until you fulfill all your selfish desires and then have one or maybe two children, but that is enough. You don’t want them to take too much of your time or money." Meanwhile our children can’t control their sexual desire. So we incorporate sex education into our schools and we say it is natural and okay to feel this way and you are probably going to give into these desires and that is okay. So when you do, just use birth control because you wouldn’t want a baby to mess up your materialistic driven future plans. So you wonder why when these girls end up pregnant they despise that life, they are afraid of what people will think of them, and worry about their future. Please I am begging you. Please stop this ridiculous immoral behavior. The key to stopping abortion starts in your own home! Please for the sake of our families. Teach your daughters the proper order and the amazing ability they have of bringing life into this world. “Even the sea monsters draw out the breast, they give suck to their young ones: the daughter of my people is become cruel, like the ostriches in the wilderness.” (Lamentations 4: 3) As a childbearing woman and a mother of four daughters this issue is close to my heart. So I write now to my daughters.

To my precious daughters, know your value, as a wife and as a mother. Grow up in training, instruction, and discipline to be a good mother and a loving wife. May this be your goal. There is no  greater position, and understanding your place, you will find true peace and contentment there. Seek a man that is like daddy, not just a God fearing man, but one that loves and cherishes you like he does. Make sure he sees the treasure he has found, when he finds you.  Remain pure. Get married young. Suppressing your sexual desires until your wedding day, will strengthen your marriage bond and will save you from many troubles. Know the value of your womb.  I pray that you will not take this for granted. If God blessings your womb with life see this for the gift it is. Take heed to the warning in Job 39: 14-17 pertaining to the ostrich, “which leaveth her eggs in the earth, and warmeth them in dust, and forgetteth that the foot may crush them, or that the wild beast may break them. She is hardened against her young ones, as though they were not hers: her labour is in vain without fear; because god hath deprived her of wisdom, neither hath he imparted to her understanding”.  Plead with God for this true wisdom and understanding! He gives to all liberally. 

This is going to be the race least run. Run it with strength and integrity.

They say ha, ha, ha wait till they are teenagers. No, I will not wait till they are teenagers, I will start instructing them now to know the value of family and their womb. I will also show them by example. One day I will consider myself very blessed if my daughters face the same crowds.  Again? Don’t you know what causes that? And we will answer yes we do and we call him God.